This has been the oddest couple of weeks! I was blessed to spend time with Doug Pagitt, many Memphis area Outlaw Preachers, Kimberly Knight, Sam and Phyllis Tickle, the lovely folks at St. Luke’s UMC, and many new friends.  I have also spent several days in Corinth, MS with a VERY sick father (who is now on the mend) I also spent a couple days recovering from that experience and trying to accomplish the everyday tasks of life while all these events unfolded.

In the midst of all these wonderful, terrible, nurishing, draining events a letter came that almost went unnoticed.  It was a letter from the District Committee on Ministry for the Memphis Annual Conference.  In the first sentence nine years of stuggle came to an unceremoniously end.  It is fitting that this has happened in the month of March because it all began in the month of March 10 years ago when I began “exploring candidacy” and I was a lion, roaring with “Holy Ergency” ready to take on the world for Christ and now, with the gentleness of a lamb, this part of my service to God ends with a three paragraph letter with lots of words about the “Discipline” but containing no sorries or blessings or “thank you’s” for the years between the Marches.

It is time to move on, time to untie the united and move on to where God is go gently and faithfully leading. When my son was little he was scared of new experiences, and when we went to a new playground with a new, big, enclosed slide he was scared, but I knew once he tried it he would love it. So, as a loving mom, I dragged this screaming kicking 3 year old to the top of the slide, pryed his fingers from the edge of the slide, and pushed him down it. “OH NO” was the last thing I heard as he slid out of sight and “I wanna do THAT again” were the first words I heard as he emerged from the bottom of that slide he had feared 10 seconds earlier. So, what happened in that tube? His perspective changed from experience, his fear melted into joy, and he took one step into a life of trying new things and experiencing the fullness of the world around him. This is what has happened to me over the past couple of weeks, God finally pryed my last finger off the edge I had held onto so long and I slid into the joy of relationship, connectedness and community that I had been looking for all along and now I am willing to say “I wanna do THAT again”.  Now that I am completely untied, I am ready to fully connect with new things and new experiences and maybe I have taken MY first steps towards experiencing the fullness of the world around me.

Blessings to those whom I have left, love to those whom I will never leave and greetings to all of those whom I am yet to join. God is faithful and kind, God with never leave us alone, and if we just let go and let God we will slide into the life that God knew was just right for us all along.


8 responses to “Untied

  1. Amen, sister. Change, loss of control, and healing wounds is never easy. But oh sometimes how what awaits turns out to be a lovely surprise! Can’t wait to see what the Lord has instore for you now thate you are loosed!

  2. I needed this – thanks! I know your struggle has had you all over the map emotionally and I suspect there will still be pangs of sorrow but your courage and strength shine through!

    I pray that I can be as strong over the next few months as you have been. I know God will not forsake us, ever. I only worry sometimes that I’ve not heard God correctly and the actions I’m taking in faith are not the actions God wants for me. I am constantly worried about my imperfect understanding. I need to learn a lesson from you…just to let go and let God. Also to accept that God is doing wonderful things in both our lives!

    Bless you my friend!

  3. I went through something akin to this back in January when my ordaining Presbytery didn’t want me back. It hit me horribly. But because of that experience, I am now in St. Petersburg at The Missio Dei and loving it.

    God has a place for you. But it sucks how corporate religion runs people like you and I through the meat grinder.

    I believe in God and I believe in you and what God has for you in your life. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

    Peace. Breathe. Live.

  4. connie-

    know you are not alone in this journey and that you are loved. if you haven’t listened to eminem’s song “i’m not afraid” you need too…it’s become an anthem to many of us who treading into waters so deep that we can’t see the bottom where to stand. love you and see you soon.

  5. Connie,

    I have watched you go through the pain and trials of this journey and am blessed to see that the end has come and you are better for it, for in truth, the seeking and the striving is more important even than the end result. Blessings to you as you move forward with your calling! I love you!

  6. It was wonderful to meet you in Memphis. Your post reminds me of the comments of a retired UMC pastor. He said.”it was really hard when I was on the board and we had to turn down potential candidates who were better than I was at that point.” Some things are better left unsaid. Remember Wesley’s last words:‘The best of all is God is with us.’ I know you can feel his presence in your life.

  7. Here is a blessing for you…truth.
    Satan has deceived the whole world Rev 12:9, until he is bruised by a woman Gen 3:15 who delivers the true word John 1:1 to the whole world Rev 12:5, 13 from the wilderness Rev 12:6 as a witness. The deception that God will put any child of his in a hell fire is a lie of the devil and is now proven by the word of God at http://minigoodtale.blogspot.com Satan’s lies are exposed not one child of God will go into a hell fire no matter what their sin. It has never entered the heart or mind of God to ever do such a thing Jer 7:31, Jer 19:5.
    There is a punishment for the wicked but it isn’t death. Prophecy is fulfilled. Prove all things. Check out the bruising of Satan at the heel of time.

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